We need love

Last night, my law professor said something that confirmed my suspicions of his complete cynicism. He told us it's not a good idea to get too close to people. He told us that we needed to know how to make stars feel important and like us in order to be successful, but that we shouldn't get too emotionally involved with them. This is coming from a man who's had two failed marriages and brown noses to make friends. His advice goes against everything I believe to be true about relationships.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just idealistic because I'm young. But, maybe I'm not. It's risky to love other people. They will disappoint you, use you, and leave you. I've been burned, forgotten, and disliked--I would be crazy to think I was the only one who's been treated like this. But, on the most basic level of my humanity, there's something inside of me that longs for intimacy with others. I am not ashamed to admit that I am not autonomous. Life has so much more vibrancy when you can experience it with others. I need fellowship.

Since I have been married, I have realized how much intimacy means to me. Matt is gone this week, and I feel like a part of my soul has left with him. I'll be fine by myself--I am not so dependent that I can't function without him. But, I really miss him!

I have always been the type of person that needed to be included in a group. God has been gracious enough to supply a fantastic group of people that have openly accepted me. This has been a rare, hard thing to find in my experience, but God is faithful to attend to my needs. I also find that it is so much easier to love other people when your friends are readily willing to love as well.

After describing the important of intimacy in my life, I want to relate it to my potential career. I don't believe you can run a nonprofit (or a ministry, for that matter) without some desire to love and become emotionally involved with people. It's easy for a callous lawyer to say that love should be avoided, but I cannot see how life will be successful and worthwhile without it.

Some disjointed thoughts

I've had two things that have been on my mind recently: what it means to be a human and Showbread's significance in my life.

New Orleans is infamous for its crime. I looked at a map yesterday that plotted all of the murders that have occurred this year. What do you know, a big chunk of them are south of Gentilly. Murder, stealing, and hurting other people really disgusts me. What drives people to do this? We are not that much different from each other. We all experience happiness, anger, anxiety, and loneliness. Why do people feel the need to treat each other with such contempt? It's selfish and ignorant. No one is entitled to the take someone's else humanity away. Someone once held a cookie in front of me and asked me to beg for it like a dog. I was incredibly insulted. I watch people treat cashiers like they are servants or whipping boys. Aren't they people with feelings too? Humanity is our relationship point with the entire world population. I believe humanity is beautiful. We should preserve it and treat it, if not with admiration, at least with respect!

On my second note, I want to discus why I love Showbread. On a more superficial level, I always admire their music. It is a different experience with every CD. Not many bands can pull off versatility with virtuosity. The lyrics are heartfelt and deep. The sounds are layered and suprising. Their shows are amazing and well thought out. Many bands just go on stage, dressed in their tattered attire, and play their music. Showbread wears matching outfits and rock as hard as they can. Most importantly, this band gives me hope for what I want to see happen in the future. They are true to their music, which I believe they consider is their art, while also being consistent with their message of proclaiming God. How many people can say that? They tour with nonChristians in venues filled with nonChristians, and yet they have managed to stay consistent with their message. I feel so inspired!

Furthermore, in one of my favorite songs, "Stabbing Art to Death," they talk about true art. The lyrics discuss how art is superficial if it is an expression of one's self instead of being an expression of inspiration from God. Beautiful and true! It reminds of the popular idea of Humanism during the Renaissance (that resonnates through today), where the artists celebrated their ability to create and forgot about God's ultimate power as the Creator. I believe that creating a painting, sculpture, drawing, book, meal, or whatever gives people a chance to connect with God on a different level. You get to experience the fulfillment, satisfaction, excitement, and love that God feels about His creations. At any rate, I'm glad Showbread seems to have their priorities straight.

Well, that's about it here. We're all getting ready for the end of the semester. Matt started a new position in the Center for New Testament Textual Studies, so we're pretty excited about that! Things are going great here in New Orleans. We are always finding something to do. We've made some really great friends at Celebration church. I feel like we are in the right place at the right time!

Our President-Elect

Was I disappointed in the election results? Do I believe that the United States is going downhill? Do I believe that I should have voted? I'm watching all these Conservative Christians being really sore losers, and it kinda makes me sick.

I don't know what's going to happen to the U.S. I know I'm going to try to be faithful to God's will and try to be an asset to my country. Yes, Obama's policies scare me. Who's going to pay for them? What kind of habits are they producing? Yes, Obama's charisma paired with lack of experience scares me. But, he's been elected, so I will continue on with my life by trying to be the best American I can be. I'm not going to give up my morals, values, and convictions, and I will continue to vote according to them. This time I wasn't in the majority. That's the way the system works.

I definitely see some positive things out of Obama's election, though. He wasn't elected because only the African-Americans came out to vote, he was elected because he was abled to appeal to all races. I am so proud to see that an African American was able to be elected. How far we have come! Racism makes me sick. I want to believe that it is not as big of a deal anymore, but I know that's not entirely true. Mistrust exists on both sides. Maybe now we can see that all races are on a level playing field. I believe that level playing field existed before the election, but that it was covered by a lack of confidence and motivation that has shackled that culture. I believe that everyone deserves a chance, but that chance is gained through hard work and committment. Obama stands as an example of that, even if he doesn't come from the usual African American culture.

Also, I was moved by watching the crowd celebrating his victory. Blacks and whites were cheering the victory of a man who captured their hearts all the same. We are all humans with similar emotions, fears, goals, and challenges. I pray that we can all realized that and be united.

I can't wait for election season to be over

As I peruse my usual online news sources this morning, I am appalled to see different papers endorsing presidential candidates. The editors belabor their picks in this columns that generate hundreds of angry readers's comments. My last idealistic hope that the media wants to present unbiased reports has gone out the window.

I am sick of reading stories in the media that lash out on the Republican candidates for doing things that I'm sure the Democratic candidates are doing. Who cares if Palin has a nice waredrobe? You would say bad things about her if she didn't!

This election season is historic. We have colorful candidates on both sides. We have an amazing lack of experience on both sides hidden under the guise of "we're going to bring change." As someone recently pointed out, not all change is good.

Everyone in the US seems to be yearning for a change. Either candidate will bring change because both candidates are different leaders than our current president. As a moderate voter, I am disappointed with my two choices. However, one of my core values is going to help me make my decision.

Which core value is that? The one that tells me to take responsibility for my decisions and their consequences. The more the government takes that responsibility away from the people, the more we're going to see our nation going into debt and becoming more unstable. What are we teaching our children with all of these hand-outs and loop holes? They can have unprotected sex, become pregnant, and have the choice to kill their unborn child or live on welfare and never contribute to society with a job. Who is going to pay for their healthcare and living expenses? I am. Because I am working hard to make something out of my life, I will end up footing the bill for people who don't know how to take responsibility for their lives.

What kind of American am I? I'm married with no children because we take the appropriate measures not to have any (especially since we cannot afford to have any children!). My spouse and I are students, living off of two part-time jobs. We are just above the poverty line. We purchase our own healthcare. We save for big purchases and are frugal for everyday living. We believe that the consequences of living small now will allow us to have a better future. We are taking responsibility for our lives and what direction they are going.

Election season always scares me. I just have to believe that God is in control.

Cleared sinuses and a lot of opportunities

After coming close to the end of a full week, I am overwhelmed, a little tired, in awe, and excited.

When I started scheduling out my work load for the semester, I knew that October was just going to be one of those months. There are a lot of projects and papers and events going on. Gosh, I can't wait for a little break. Sometimes I get this sick feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I can't do it. Again, I recognize these thoughts as lies. My last couple of semesters in undergrad Business College at FSU required a lot of hard work that also seemed impossible. But, I did it, and did it well. If I learned anything in my classes, it was that team work is more fun if everyone participates, and that difficult projects are rewarding in the end. We did some really professional work in those classes (some of our predictions are actually coming true, too!). I can do these projects; they are just requiring me to think differently and go out of my comfort zone.

With the hard work comes a lot of opportunities. Matt and I got to see a hilarious play, Die, Mommy, Die, because I'm writing a paper on that production company, Running with Scissors. It was at the Chat Noir theatre on St. Charles. What a great experience to be downtown, enjoying the New Orleans nightlife! Also, last night, Matt and I went to see the preview of the Manon Lescaut opera. I have never been to the opera before, so it was an amazing experience! The sets, costumes, and singing were fantastic! Additionally, I'm going to try to start a pratica with a great organization called the New Orleans String Project. I got to see the kids at their lessons yesterday afternoon--it was great! It's been a crazy couple of weeks as I've been running here, there and everywhere, but I really enjoy seeing a different side of the city. New Orleans becomes more and more wonderful to me!

I must mention a recent purchase that has cleaned out my sinuses in a way that my medicine has never done! Allow me to introduce to you, or maybe recommend to you, the neti pot. It has been used for centuries as a part of yoga cleansing. Let me tell you, those people know what they are doing. A cup of lukewarm water and a 1/4 tsp. of salt cleans you out and makes you feel like you never had any sinus problems! Observe:

This is a woman showing how to irrigate your sinuses on Oprah.

Weirded or grossed out? I was too, but it works. It really works. I love the fact that my head feels less cloudy and that my nasal passages feel clear. I still take my allergy meds in the morning, but now I clean my sinuses out before I go to bed. It's wonderful. All my coworkers are sneezing and congested, but I'm not. Usually around this time of the year, I am suffering because the season is changing, but this time.


I don't think that busyness is going away any time soon. Heck, I don't even think I'll be back in Pensacola for Thanksgiving. We're poor and busy. But, we're having a great time.

I "heart" New Orleans

When I tell people that I'm new to New Orleans, they cautiously ask me how I'm liking it here. I emphatically tell them that I love it. This city has captivated me!
I came here expecting a dirty, crime-ridden, scary city. Well, that's only one side to the story. Yes, New Orleans's infamous reputation for run-down buildings, heinous crimes, debauchery, and all together weirdness has some truth to it. Maybe that's just part of its charm.

New Orleans is not the South. It is its own subculture. There are so many traditions and a ton of history. All over the world, there are imitations of its architecture and cuisine... but they do not have the same New Orleans personality. People here don't have southern accents. Their accents, to an untrained ear, sound like a New Yorker's accent. They have their own set of idioms. They have their own culinary style.

Oh, did I mention the food? There are locally owned, world-class restaurants everywhere. I never want to go to another chain restaurant again. Heck, even the grocery stores stock locally produced/manufactured/packaged goods. If I don't want to make red beans and rice from scratch, the canned stuff is just as good (and probably better). Eating is a social thing--have you ever been to a crawfish boil? It's a mess and requires a lot of work for a little bit of meat, but that's not why you go. You go to eat around a table in the park or in someone's backyard with your good friends and to enjoy and admire the wonderful tastes conjured up in that massive pot. It's a great experience. There are also tons of festivals all year long dedicated to different foods. Additionally, there's a fantastic league of farmers' markets throughout the city. And, many people here look down on Starbucks because the city has a ton of locally owned coffee shops and coffee roasters! Mmmmm, I love the coffee with chicory--it's a tradition around here! It's all about being social and supporting locals!

Why else do I love New Orleans? The arts, of course! Theatre, music, and visual arts do very well here. It's a major part of the culture. Even more festivals are dedicated to the arts! Live music is everywhere, every weekend. Art galleries abound. There are many local theatre groups and dance troupes that put on shows all the time. You are never without something to do. Matt and I are super poor, but we never feel bored here!

Yes, the city has a lot of infrastructure problems that aren't helped by its consistently corrupt government. I have to drive cautiously because there are tons of pot holes on every road. People are still rebuilding from Katrina, so there are a lot of emtpy, over-grown lots and rotting buildings. The city is dirty, but it's also old. But, there aren't many (if any within the city) neighborhoods that look like they were mass-produced, cookie-cutter homes. Most homes are those charming shotgun style. Each one looks different and has its own little quirks and personality. There's a lot of growth and development, but in so many places around the city, not a whole lot has changed. I feel like I am stepping back in time, sometimes, when I'm driving down the street.

Let's talk about the people. Again, this isn't exactly the stereotypical "South" that one might expect. People here are very welcoming and social, but they will tell you how it is (even if it's some random woman who was minding her own business, but stops to yell at you because you're going the wrong way down a street). New Orleans is known as "the Big Easy," and let me tell you, that is an accurate description of the attitude. People like to take things easy around here. You don't work too fast or walk too fast. I see people chilling out in the medians (some are historically called "neutral ground") under the trees all the time.

There is sooooo much history. Everything is affected by history and its traditions--you can feel it when you see the houses lining the street, or walk in the French Quarter and see the cathedral. I love it!

So basically, New Orleans is one of the most unique and beautiful cities in the United States. It might look like a mess because of the media, or because it kinda is.... But, I think it's charming and has so much personality. Right now, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. "Come see," as they say here--maybe you will see the same thing I see.

It's all for God's glory

As school progresses, you can always bet that I'm going to stress myself out. The assignments are not exactly difficult, but I want to be excellent at school, so I always tend to worry too much about my schoolwork. Sometimes I feel anxious because I believe that I don't have the same connections that everyone else has to the art world and because the assignments are going to make me get out of my comfort zone. I even go as far as questioning my purposes in the program.

How silly, right? It's been only a month since school has started. Everyone in my classes is super nice and helpful. My professors know me by name. My co-worker has a lot of connections to people in the local art scene. Heck, God even paid my tuition and gave me a job on campus! Sure, the end result of this work is uncertain; but, in the midst of all these great things, how do I always find doubt?

Matt and I were busy last night writing papers (Wednesdays are our free nights together, though). He was writing about why God had the Israelites cross the Jordan River in the same manner they crossed the Red Sea. The Israelites could have just gone around the river and started the invasion, but God wanted the Israelites to worship Him and acknowledge His glory before they went into battle. Matt told me that God's more interested in worship than He is in our deeds. Wow, that puts things in perspective.

Here I am. I'm trying to do all of these things because I feel that God has called me to do them. But what does any of it mean if I forget to praise Him in the midst of the battle? I would have forgotten the whole point of my actions and accomplishments.